In Part One, (which you would be good to read before this article) I spoke about the foolishness of looking for god-men to love us instead of real men, and what this search can tell us women about ourselves.
Forget the admission or denial of guilt here, and let’s really talk about this desire to be loved versus the ability to love.
Most of you are dwelling in the shadow aspects of love where your desire to be loved is greater than your ability to love. You want to be loved, because you probably never have been in quite the way you want. Instead of coming from a true place of love, you dangle your ability to love on a stick while you wait for your criterion of being loved to be met first.
Is anyone gaping or feeling funny inside yet?
You need to look at what is really happening in this world and your desire for god-men versus real men. The desire for the perfect god-man is a cry for the missing father, the missing masculine, and God in this world. It’s a reflection of the father-wound in women that must be healed. Most women would never admit they want fathers more than partners, or at least the kind of father who was better than their own. Most women would never admit the pain they feel that emanates from the father-wound they carry, but until women heal their father-wound, they will always attract smokescreens of their fathers.
You know, the men who always fall short? The men that disappoint you?
Most women would never admit that the desire for men to do the right thing, man-up, grow some courage, confront their deepest shit, like the black dragon standing between true love and triumph, is the promise of the empowered masculine made to all little girls from the time they begin to learn of fairy-tales. Most of the fantasies women have about men are a little girl’s dream.
Like men caught up in Peter Pan Syndrome, women have their own version of this Neverland effect to their beings and personalities. We could call it “Knight In Shining Armor Syndrome”. While SOME boys don’t want to grow up, conform and would rather stay in the boy spirit forever, SOME girls have a different dream. Most Girl’s dream of growing up, so they can taste the love and sensuality of archetypes like heroes and warriors, who will fight for their honor and worth in ways their father’s didn’t. Both of these dreams are dreams of wounded children.
Listen, I’m not trying to harp on fantasy or dreams. Dreams are important. Using our imaginations is important, however, long ago I learned that there is HUGE difference between writing and dreaming a novel worthy life and actually LIVING A NOVEL WORTHY LIFE THROUGH ACTUALIZING YOUR DREAMS AND FANTASIES.
As long as your dreams and fantasies are outside of reach; WHAT YOU WANT WILL REMAIN UNACTUALIZED.
None of YOU want that. Not getting what you want sucks.
So if you want what you want, you must begin where YOU are, so you can get to where you want to be.
If you want an awesome man who wants to grow, you have to believe with every fiber of your being you can have him.
Men who can be real partners can only be man enough as a hu-MAN. Ladies, this dream man you fantasize about is actually a reflection of your own masculine. It is your LOVE that holds the blueprint of your truth. Your inner masculine is your guide pointing to the dormant potential inside of you that is merely greatly disempowered at the moment. When you project The Ultimate Man onto men, you are displacing your craving for your TRUE SELF, which is powerful.
If no one has ever told you, true feminine has the masculine integrated.
Meaning there is no empowered feminine without a solid masculine.
Just like there is no empowered masculine without a solid feminine.
What powers your feminine is your masculine, that’s why you crave masculinity so much.
If you are an empowered woman, it’s pointless to hinge your happiness on potentials.
The source of your power is in your story, your wounding, you honoring your wounding and reclaiming your ability to create your own story, even when you began in a different plot.
In order to create a new story, one where you are consciously creating and choosing to rise from the ashes of your past and former identity, you must embrace the whole journey. You must remember when you were once wounded and frightened and you must cultivate skills to foster growth. A lot of you women don’t want in men what you struggle with. You just a want a powerful man in his masculine so he can protect you. Sometimes needing a man to protect you disempowers your ability to feel your own power. It’s okay to rely on men for the important things, but you don’t need to rely on a man the point that you forget how capable you are as a woman.
If the man you’re with hasn’t claimed his power, Sister, neither have you.
A woman asked me the other day how she’s supposed to be with a man who won’t heal his wounds and doesn’t want to?
Ladies, I’m shouting this from the rooftops. You cannot heal the unwilling. You can only invest in those who want to heal their own pain. If a man doesn’t want this, LET GO. Don’t beat a dead horse or try to get blood from a rock! The reason conscious men are so evocative to women is truly conscious men want to heal, not just for you, FOR THEM.
Most conscious men are in the early stages of conscious-awakening.
The mark of a truly conscious man is a man who can own his FEARS, face them, and honor his and your feelings when he’s not the best version of himself.
Being conscious does not equal perfection, nor does it mean you have no unconscious aspects remaining. Being conscious means being willing to confront the truth about what’s in you that is not serving your highest good and then doing something about it. A lot of supposed “conscious, “evolved,” or “spiritual” men who think they’re so above and beyond are just as ruled by their unconscious as those who are not conscious. The ego is a fabulous mimicker and “conscious,” “evolved,” and “spiritual” don’t mean anything other than you have the power to choose to be a better human being if you make what’s unconscious conscious. So if you see a conscious egomaniac, he’s an imposter. Real conscious men are not continually ruled by their egos and are not phonies.
The idea of awakened men in this culture is a fantasy. Those who talk about “enlightenment” but have never directly experienced it or a felt the transmission of “KNOWING” from an enlightended being have no idea if their “idea” of awakened, is “awakening” or “fantasy”. The truth is, until YOU KNOW what AWAKE is, there’s no way for you to know if once you’re “AWAKE” you would completely disappear or what you would be like as an awakened being? Most people who profess to be awakened, I don’t think are awakened at all. I think they understand certain things but if you cannot change the world with your supposed “awakening” how awake are you really? You cannot take someone’s word for what it means to be awakened. You must KNOW for yourself. Awakening, on this planet, is a process, one that is on-going, so until you are awakened, it’s best to know that anyone who speaks about awakened is speaking to an idea at best.
So, Ladies, if you want a truly conscious man, don’t bypass the hu-MAN in men while trying to speed your way to finding a man’s potential self. They cannot bypass the journey, and neither can you. You do deserve the best in a man and not having his potential self is painful for a reason. You all know you are so much more and this knowing is designed to inspire more from you yourself – not just them – you!
If you want more, GO CLAIM IT.
If you want potential, you must realize that every minute you are in pain over not having what you want is a minute wasted on not enjoying the blessings right in front of your face. If your desire is for the potential, and you don’t have it, you don’t understand the obvious: ALLOWING YOURSELF TO LIVE WITHOUT WHAT YOU WANT IS WHAT WOUNDS YOU, NOW. Everyone is subconsciously reinforcing their wounds, replaying their original suffering, in order to remember that they are so much more than what they’ve suffered.
You can change the story if you honor what you want.
All those who have suffered want that suffering to mean something. Whether you can own it or not, this is why you still toy with suffering: you still want all the suffering to be worth what you have given up for it. Every time you get into a relationship that triggers the pain from your wounds, you’re unconsciously still trying to find the value in your suffering by recreating it in an effort to understand. Contrast this with someone who is conscious.
The conscious woman realizes that coming to accept the very real nature of her past pain and then moving on into freedom by refusing to live out those wounded patterns again is where the power lies.
To move on, we have to live our own new stories, instead of continually living out the stories that our parents or other victimizers in our lives have passed on to us in through their own unconscious choices. Does your suffering have meaning or value? The legitimate meaning you can take away from your wounded past is that you need not perpetuate this suffering any longer.
In other words, you are trying show the human you have chosen what you are needing to learn to heal. You’re trying to heal a great wound by showing someone else what you need to own: you can learn from love; you don’t have to experience pain to learn.
The men you choose are your opportunity to empower yourself. It an opportunity for you to not always relive the past and create anew. You do not have to be bound by a story, when you are the damn author and experiencer.
So what will you do ladies, wait for a Knight in Shining Armor to heal the wounded little girl in you or go to the ends of the earth for yourself, so that the warrior and hero you want, is not just that hot man you’ve been dying to sink your teeth into; IT’S YOU, babe. You came for you.
I came for me and that’s how I met the kind of man I could whirl fantasies around and live them out with him — IN REALITY. It’s fun.
So don’t give up what you want, GO GET IT, by being your own KNIGHT for that little wounded girl.
XO, Kelly Marceau
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Photo credit: Henry Cavill as Charles Brandon – Photo: Julie Dennis Brothers/Showtime – Photo ID: tudors_gal2_sexy_b_model_1_2_024