I’d like to allow my VULNERABILITY to shine through in this piece.
Two years ago when I wrote the first installment of the original viral post called: SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMEN: WHO WE ARE, WHAT WE WANT AND NEED FROM MEN, I had just experienced a personal victory in my life, overcoming a extensive dark period of confusion most women go through when it comes to the mind-numbing lack of true masculinity in MEN.
With men and relationships, I kept banging my head against a wall. I kept denying my needs as a woman, pretending that being “strong” was so much more attractive than having a heart. I kept trying to power up in my masculine, rather than allowing my vulnerability and truth as a woman guide me. It’s not easy to be a woman in this world. We may be powerful in our own rights, but at the same time when mistreatment and abuse — especially of men — begins to occur for most women at a young age, it’s very difficult to understand the behaviors of some men with any measure of rationality when most issues in men begin with emotional problems a lot men struggle to own or acknowledge.
As women we are taught to look at what’s in us that makes us attract unconscious men, but who you attract isn’t an exact replica of your issues.
WHO YOU ATTRACT ISN’T YOU.
The men you attract reflect your emotional wounds.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
For example, if you attract a man who can’t own his issues or doesn’t want to grow, and you value growth and own your issues, how exactly does that kind of man mirror you? Well, who you attract mirrors your wounding. Again, he doesn’t mirror YOU exactly, rather he mirrors your trauma and the cycle you keep recreating.
You are trying to understand how anyone can treat you this way rather than just realizing and waking up to the obvious: if a man treats you terribly, HE’S HURTING YOU GIRL. HE’S NOT SERVING YOU, LET ALONE LOVING YOU.
If your father treats you like shit, that’s not your fault.
If your boyfriend disrespects you, that’s not your fault.
Men are responsible for how they treat women.
Your responsibility as a woman is to see THAT YOU DON’T DESERVE ABUSE — no matter what issues you have. Trying to understand these men and get something from them they cannot give you, only reinforces the wounding that dislocated your own sense of value the second someone abused you.
BUT NO ONE TELLS YOU THIS SHIT AS A WOMAN.
Instead you’re told you’re the “victim” and it’s your fault for attracting who you attract.
While it’s partially true that who you attract is about something in YOU that you do need to heal and examine, the actions of others are not your fault and how some men treat women is NOT OKAY!
Even if you attract a shitty guy — how men choose to treat you and behave is ON THEM.
You women DO need to take responsibility for what you cannot see and learn to see the writing on the walls before you fall into abusive patterns, relationships and dysfunction, but you do not have to take responsibility for the unconscious ways some men are willing to treat you and not own up to it.
Think about being a man who disrespects women, degrades women, shrinks in their brilliance then blames women and cannot understand how to speak to women with a level of love and integrity. Imagine being a man like that? Now imagine why you would want to understand and beg and plead with a man like that or waste so much time on a man who is so clearly uncool? All you need to know is those men must have some serious unconscious shit to be that abusive and not even know their actions are fundamentally hurtful. Abuse isn’t just physical, ladies. Abuse is anything that disrespects your value, YOU UNDERSTAND? A man who doesn’t deal, who chooses to be with you but doesn’t rise, grow, or own what’s his is abusing you with his own self-abuse.
It took me a really LONG TIME to understand what was MINE to own in my dynamics and see that I had actually been someone else before my WOUNDING.
When so many of the men of the world devalue women, don’t know how to relate or speak to women, and cannot find a better way to honor the feminine — not even with all that said intelligence — WOMEN RUN TO THEIR OWN MASCULINE for refuge. It’s an instinct.
After countless years of pain and confusion, and no masculine man in the world mirroring truth, I went to my own masculine. Little did I know, at the time, that rising of the masculine in women is necessary for the reclamation of the empowered FEMININE.
For while women go into their masculine for healing of the feminine, men too must go into their feminine for healing of the masculine. The reason masculine women repel most men is because most men are wounded and wounded men cannot handle the force of TRUE masculine. The wounded men of the world need the power of the feminine that backs true masculine in order to help them receive what the masculine refuses to honor and accept in men.
Only the true feminine, who can understand the plight of men can speak truth with respect and compassion and empower the men who have fallen so deeply into their own emotional paralysis they can’t activate their own masculinity.
Only women like SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMEN. who cultivate emotional intelligence and integrate both the masculine and feminine can assist the plight men, for men, despite their issues, deserve understanding and respect as we call them to accountability. We women do not have to stoop to some men’s cowardice in order to find a way to connect to the very men who have failed to find a way with us.
It is true that we all need to be more personally responsible to our wounds, but that doesn’t mean that there is not a collective factor at play too. If a woman is owning her issues, and she asks for what she needs and calls a man to own his issues too, that act isn’t mean, that act is RIGHTEOUS. And that act, is paving the way for the collective to create a new aspect, an aspect that gets beyond you and me to WE. Where WE can be responsible individually and collectively.
When I wrote the first SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMAN. piece, I was honoring the power of my own masculine coming for the FEMININE in me. My own masculine broke through to me and when I finally felt him in my bones, I uttered in amazement, “YOU’VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME.” I thought I had been waiting for so long and no one heard my cries, but HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN WITH ME. Seeing him by my side, I had finally seen the obvious. THE GIFT OF THE MASCULINE. He’d been shouting my value every time my feminine didn’t know that he was there, because he wasn’t outside of me, he had always been within me waiting for me to feel him not just hear him.
The Gifts My Masculine Imbued Me With For FEELING Him:
1. FEMININE POWER DOESN’T COME FROM DENYING THE NEED OF MEN. SHE OWNS HER NEEDS AND VALUE AND HONORS THE IMPORTANCE OF MEN, JUST AS SHE DESIRES IMPORTANCE, HONOR AND VALUE FOR HER BEING.
2. OWNING WHAT YOU NEED AS A WOMAN IS THE FIRST STEP IN “GETTING” OR “BEING OPEN” TO WHAT YOU CAN HAVE AS WOMAN.
3. CALLING MEN TO ACTION WHEN YOU TOO ARE TAKING ACTION TO GROW YOUR BEING IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE. ONCE YOU’VE AWOKEN TO TRUTH, IT’S MORE THAN OKAY AND ENCOURAGED TO AWAKEN OTHERS. MEN WHO DECLINE THE INVITATION ARE IN NEED OF The HelP of EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT WOMEN.
4. VULNERABILITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU TAKE IT UP THE BUM AND SAY THANK YOU, IT MEANS YOU CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY. YOU LEARN TO SPEAK THE TRUTH WITH FIERCENESS AND COMPASSION, AT THE SAME TIME.
5. LOVE AND TRUTH ARE NOT ALWAYS SOFT, IN FACT TRUTH IS PENETRATING AND LOVE IS HEART PIERCING AND OPENING, SO IF YOU’RE CONTRACTING, YOU’RE IN DENIAL AND THAT’S WHY YOUR DEFENSIVE, PROJECTING AND PROTECTING.
Everyone thinks the feminine is so soft and nicey-nice. Like when the feminine wakes we are all going to get this sweet molly-coddling mom that’s going to fix us with love’s warmth. But when the feminine has been abused and hurt and disempowered you cannot think she is not going to ROAR — IN TRUTH — SO RESOUNDING YOU CAN TASTE IT IN YOUR MOUTH AS IT RATTLES THROUGH YOUR CORE, before she heals.
Lowering herself or babying you is disrespectful to the adult you have become, and the waking feminine is not about to make that mistake again.
Anyone who thinks that the feminine is a molly-coddler is mistaking the wounded feminine for the empowered feminine. The TWO are not the same, they’re opposite ends of a spectrum.
TRUE FEMININTY IS FIERCE.
Make no mistake.
The feminine, until she is healed and integrated, is ferocious, more so than the masculine when it comes to truth, for she is powered by the masculine rising, able and willing to hold space for your emotional process, just as long as you are not asking her to BOW or BABY YOU AS A GROWN MAN.
When I let my voice rip through the confines of the side of feminisim denying the need of men and calling that empowerment, and I told the whole world that WE WOMEN NEED MEN, I was both praised and crucified.
Praised, for having the courage to speak truth. Crucified, for exposing the molly-coddling, wounded adult-babies of the world who would rather whine and protect wounds than actually speak truth or honor that — RESPECT — does not come from reinforcing wounds, it comes from calling the wound out. The wounded children, in every single human being must be acknowledged, validated and healed, and there must be a distinction made between past wounds and who you are now. You’re not in the past anymore and so to recreate the same wound, over and over again, when that experience and pain WOUNDED YOU so deeply it stifles you from seeing WHERE YOU ARE NOW, and then to protect that wound is so frigging backwards that I cannot believe it so hard for most to see the OBVIOUS.
If every time some screams OWIE, and we don’t see that confronting our wounds in truth instead of protecting us from the truth is the only thing that will help “the present adult” understand that it’s the “wounded inner child” that holds the keys to healing, then humanity will never feel the power of presence, or what we CAN HANDLE NOW as grown humans, verses what stifled us emotionally as children. Tip-toeing around wounds doesn’t help anyone heal; it doesn’t help empower anyone to feel what they feel or validate what they suffered or that they are not still living in the wounds of the past.
So, what are we doing not calling the wounds out and showing one another that we can HEAL THIS SHIT?!
We don’t act strong or like capable adults when we protect our wounds! We act like kids who run and hide in pain.
SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMEN ARE NOT JUST OWNING OUR ISSUES, WE ARE HEALING OUR ISSUES INDEPENDENTLY AND TOGETHER, AND WE INVITE YOU TO DO THE SAME.
It’s as scary as you make it. For you can do it with us. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Nothing can be worse than reopening your wounds, over and over, so why not try something different.
It’s called HEALING and CONNECTING and VULNERABILITY.
It’s better than pain, my friends.
Today, in honor of my own journey and the SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMAN in ME who has grown, risen and continues to rise, I will show you again tomorrow in new language and even stronger vibration SEXY. CONSCIOUS. AWAKE. WOMEN: Who We Are Today and How We’ve Grown. I have decided to break up my original piece and show the evolution over 4 more articles (each one will be published daily till the end of the new era). Don’t worry, I’ll get to what the updated version of what we want and need from men too, so stay tuned, ladies. The feminine is roaring.
XO, Kelly Marceau
It means a lot to me when you share the pieces I write that touch your heart and strike a cord with others.
Also, have I told you yet that I wrote a new e-book called: 7 Sex and Relationship Tips In 7-Minutes. Sometimes all of us need to be reminded of the important stuff, not even our parents get. This ain’t your grandma’s e-book, I’ll tell you that sister. Snap to it, push the damn button, it’s free!