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How You Choose To Struggle Directly Determines Your Levels of Success

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Failures + struggles . . . who knew  ‘the negative’ had such an investment in the value of success? 

When most people think of success they think about the outcome of what they want. Then, shit hits the fan, ad nauseum.

Unexpected shit: We get betrayed by others. We see the lack of integrity in others. We waste too much money on the education of our ignorance. We see how our idea of value isn’t valuable to others. Most of us have to learn the hard way that value is about learning to value ourselves first, so we can spot those that don’t align with our values long before we’ve given them two to three chances.

We think so much about the success we desire we forget that every learning curve is fraught with struggles.Struggles that make us smarter, wiser, more efficient, appreciative, and grateful. Struggles that help us grow.

In life, it’s how you navigate your struggles and how you choose to approach your relationships with adversity, pain and suffering, that author your success.

I’m not sure many people know this. In fact, I know many people don’t know this.

Most of us are trying to avoid pain and dodge the value of pain and struggle in our relationship to growth.

The vast majority of humans want two things: to be happy and truly live.

Think about this for a second: living, even though we all live and breathe everyday, is not truly living to our fullest capacity for most.

For most people, life is the grind, the daily toil of reaping what you sew. For most, it’s the hum drum way of doing things that doesn’t really feed your soul or make you happy.

I often listen to others tell me that they just want to be happy.


What I don’t hear others express is what they’re willing to risk for that happiness.

It’s as if happiness is their inalienable right and they will wait comfortably on their ass until happiness just plops right down into their lap, right where happiness belongs. Have we all lost connection to a basic sacred truth?

Love, happiness, success these are gifts. Anything that adds value to your life is a gift. We get so caught up in our ‘entitlements’ we forget to feel gratitude for the precious gifts in our lives, while we are busy chasing what we don’t have.

Most people are chasing happiness like it’s a place you end up. Hoards of people are avoiding the important shit, like what it takes to have happiness be a constant in our lives, what it takes to connect the dots. We begin to realize that the vast majority of humans are full of (epic) shit or that so people are clueless about the price and value of happiness.

We don’t end up living the life we dream until we learn and then apply the skills required to create it.

We don’t end up with an amazing body or good health by sitting on our asses, and we don’t get to do what we love – like having an awesome career or a great relationship – by sitting in front of the television passing wasting time, so why would anyone think that anything worth a damn – like happiness and truly living – wouldn’t be something that requires some struggle along with your ACTIVE PARTICIPATION?

Life is filled with struggles and if we stopped running from the negative and began to see our hardships for what they are, more people would have a better relationship to the meaning and value of what they want in this world and what it takes – FROM THEM – to have it.

Nowadays, everyone just wants easy. Insta-sex, insta-relationship, insta-connection, insta-love, insta-success, but not many people can withstand the turbulence of the ebb and flow of life. The ups and downs are a part of life. They are a part of living in a dualistic world where your consciousness is constantly vacillating between asleep (auto-pilot) and awake (oh-man-this-is-my-life-and-I-am-here-to-apply-who-I-am-in-this-world-kinda-shit).

When the good is good, or life’s positive, “living” is a cake-walk. Everyone can “do” good. What most people suck at is how they handle things when shit gets hard.

Life is unpredictable.

There are no guarantees, and since we live in the land of routine, where after the big climax of any relationship or experience it begins to lose its newness and awakens to the reality that one can’t just ride on the coattails of gifts (like love, happiness, or success) without some serious skill and participation on your part, knowing and cultivating the attitude and perspective of how you choose to show up and navigate the negative and the tough times is paramount.

Too many people suffer far more than they have to, because they don’t ask themselves the hard questions.  How you do hard, how you handle struggles, how you apply the difficult shit and the lessons it brings, these things are what determine your success.

Most people are obsessed with wanting and never having. They go round and round on a wheel of perpetual ‘wanting HELL’ with no long term gratification.

Everybody wants!

If you want and don’t have, it doesn’t make you special, it makes you like everyone else who wants and doesn’t have. The problem is that no one stops long enough to think about what they are willing to risk or do for what they want. No one thinks about what they would do, what they would give up – or not give up – to get what they want.

Instead, the want remains at the level of fantasy, the place where the struggle isn’t that hard, even though it’s so friggin hard because you hear people complain non-stop about it.

Complainers, though they whine and complain about what they want, they don’t actually know what they want, because if they did they would be doing something about the struggle of not having it rather than whining.

Your success with having what you want and knowing what you’d risk for is determined by how you choose to navigate your failures and struggles. You know, the hard shit.

Life isn’t always cupcakes and roses, pretty women and nice cars, big bank accounts and hot men with yachts.

Life is here to find out what you are offering of yourself for what you want from life.

If it’s love . . . and you don’t have it . . . what is your pain worth to you?

Do you like being in pain? Wanting but never having? Craving life but never living? Desiring deep intimacy and connection? Facing rejection and surface level relationships?

All around me I see suffering. I see people struggling to be happy, to live the lives they want, and have the kind of sexual chemistry, intimacy and love they deeply seek.

The difference between those who are struggling and those who have gotten smarter about their struggles is they have a more conscious relationship to how they choose to suffer. Some people don’t even know how to stop choosing to suffer, they’re entrenched in ‘the struggle’ and things never seem to push through that barrier.

Suffering and pain are a part of this existence and you can either avoid them like the plague or you can embrace the art that is the struggle. If you don’t struggle you don’t understand or value the measure of your success or what you have.

So, what are you willing to suffer for? What do you want so much that the pain of the struggle will be worth more to you than the whining of never having what you want?


Kelly Marceau


If you’re interested in getting to the root of your wants and desires; if you are ready to meet your suffering head on, embrace it, thank it, and release it, to grow into the happy existence we all inevitably chase – whether we realize it or not – leave your information in the correct form below and we will be in touch before we open our highly anticipated master classes (which are rooted in these very things) to the public. space is limited and the live version of this one-of-a-kind digital offering is only available once a year. Don’t procrastinate, happiness is waiting: 

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Coined the “Cosmo of Spirituality” by her fans, Kelly Marceau has a way of blending “surface and substance” that is inimitably hers. When Kelly coined the term “Sexy. Conscious. Awake.” she sought to bridge the gap between the unconscious and conscious world. Kelly believes that integration of the masculine and feminine, the emotional realm and intellect is the only way to understand the true power of polarity. She seeks to help people understand this gap in a profound way, so that the struggles most people face in contemporary life are less scary and overwhleming. Kelly has a B.A. in Philosophy with an emphasis in Religious Studies and has written for Yoganonymous, My Tiny Secrets, Raw Attraction Magazine, The Good Men Project and Kellymarceau.com.