When I was a little girl, my family were Evangelical Christians.
I still have no idea what sets all sects of Christianity apart. Does Evangelical mean you dig the gospel, get loose with song and desire to invoke the spirit of Jesus far more than the Lutherans or the Baptists?
Who the hell knows.
My family went to church almost every Sunday, except for on the rare occasions I could wiggle my way out of entering the nauseating sermons on hellfire and damnation. We read the bible, gave blessings before meals, prayed to God before bed, and feared hell. I must have asked Jesus to wipe away my sins and let me be reborn a couple times a week once I hit adolescence, for I thought about the glory of some boy’s hands down my pants far more than all the ways I could be a good Christian girl.
According to the good old gospel, I
was am a sinner…
Yep, a sinner.
A bad girl authoring my one way ticket to hell.
My parents had a doozy of a time raising me. While they lapped up everything that was fed to them, I questioned all of it. The tyranny. The bigotry. The hypocrisy. Happy faced Christian’s who donated to the church every Sunday, projecting their Sunday best behind false masks, for underneath all those smiles and good gestures were some of the most (not all, but many) self-righteous, judgmental, condemning rats you’d ever encounter.
Now listen, I am not here to bash on Christianity – this isn’t about Christianity as much as it’s about what religion does to (certain) people and the beliefs they hold – if you’re not a Christian and don’t have Jesus in your heart, you are doomed to eternal damnation.
A little stiff, even for you, Jesus, don’t you think? (I know you got hung on the cross bro, but at least you rose from the dead and went back to heaven). At the rate I am going, I’ll be circling Dante’s 9 gates of hell for eternity.
Well, what to do?
I am hardwired to be naughty and wild. It’s just my nature, dude.
Hmm… I wonder what I will learn down there that you can’t learn right here, on good old fashioned earth? ‘Cause sometimes I think heaven and hell are already here, right now, on this planet. You can tap into either within the blink of an eye.
In my humble opinion, religion has always been the devil’s hiding ground.
Coming from a place of condemnation and intolerance isn’t God. It’s something else. Something else entirely. You know what I mean?
It takes a genius to hide behind the veil of the righteous in broad daylight condemning all these sinners to hell and for people to actually believe that kind of a person is holy. As a kid I saw right through it. I saw through it so clearly, I didn’t need anyone to convince me otherwise — not religion, my parents or my friends to tell me what was right and wrong for me, or how I should live in accordance with divinity.
After studying all the major world religions in college, and familiarizing myself with the historical Jesus, versus the one who gets noted in the canon, I too have a love for this mysterious man who will forever be more famous than whatever Pope exists at any given moment. Jesus had an amazing message and though Christianity tried to adapt it, I am not sure they really understood what Jesus meant when he said, “The kingdom of God is inside of you.”
I don’t know if the Christian Jesus ever came into my heart all those times I was sincerely asking not be a wild child, but the historical Jesus entered my heart in college, when I realized that there is love in my heart for all religions and the good they try to do in people’s lives.
Everything has its downside and I choose to see it, not persecute it.
Some people need faith and need to hear the words of God to feel like they’re moving in a positive direction. Do what it takes to be at peace with yourself, just don’t hurt others in the name of your religion is my philosophy.
For those people who get constricted and condemning because of religion why don’t you try accepting the fact that you can’t stop thinking about blow-jobs, sex, and all things naughty and get on with life. I sincerely doubt you are hell bound for being a horn dog, and I’m sure Jesus already knows what’s up, for remember, God made you in his image.
The bottom line is this: we were born with certain innate desires and I believe that we have to live in accord with our truth. You can love your sin and love Jesus at the same time. I think there is too much judgment in our world and I don’t think this judgment exists for God the way we think it does. What is sin but rules? Can’t have sex before marriage? Give me a fucking break. I truly believe that you have to live in accord with what you believe is right for YOU. There is no one right way for everyone and as long as you are happy, as long as you feel in alignment with your truth then so will Jesus. I think Jesus probably looked around and saw a lot of chaos. All those rules are man made, they are not God made rules.
Maybe you love your sin because you love your humanity. Sin helps us grow and discover who we are. I am what I am and I will take my chances with God. I know the difference between right and wrong and I am doing my best.
Jesus is infinite love, not conditional love. And that is where you must begin to understand who you are.
Featured Image: David La Chapelle, Jesus Is My Homeboy