When many of us decide to take on a relationship there are a few things we should consider but many of us don’t. There is more to intimate relationships than just a connection, a friendship, a companion, how they fit into our lives and how we fit into theirs.
Knowing what to be aware of helps us if we want to make any headway in that department.
Being aware of our thoughts is half of it and being aware of our emotions is another part also being aware of factors in our control are a major contributor.
Here are a few things you may not have considered but are well to do if you want a lasting loving companion in your life:
Sounds simple right? Strive for happiness in your life and relationships.
Happiness can be broken down into a couple of things: The level of happiness and what increases that level or what diminishes it.
Here is an example:
If a magic jinn gave you three wishes what would you wish for? You might choose differently but statistics say most go for more money first , more success and higher status. Happiness comes in at a rather sad ranking.
Sure, you’re thinking, but those things will bring me happiness. Right?
Yes and no.
If you lack money to a specific level, a level that affords you to have your basic needs met than absolutely, more money will increase happiness. But, once you have all your basic needs met, such as food, a safe place to sleep, clean water to drink, freedom of choice, and companionship, money makes no difference after a fairly modest amount per year. After that, giving money away contributes far more to higher levels of happiness than the quantity of individual wealth kept does.
Success based on comparisons of how much better you are doing than others misses the point of mastery, which is true success. If you go for better-than others, their position dictates your self-worth, and your overall happiness diminishes because their position fluctuates. If you focus on mastery you are bettering yourself by being in your flow. People are drawn to seeing others in flow because it’s not a scarcity to be in the flow of life, it’s not a threat to others, in turn it increases your internal happiness through self accomplishment.
Higher status is a double edged sword too. Getting to the top is a competitive mindset. It also creates competitiveness in others towards you more than a relaxed admiration and attraction and ultimately love from others towards us that we can falsely perceive is the outcome.
More than one athlete at the number one spot has said the rise was surprisingly slightly more enjoyable than being at the top was because the ones wanting your spot are putting a lot of pressure on you to take your position for themselves. They eagerly await for you to fall from perceived grace. Which has a big effect on happiness levels diminishing over all ,pushing you to get out of it once there to find happiness again elsewhere. We are far less likely to find love from others if being better than them is the end goal.
We are better off asking the jinn or ourselves for the ability to, give love from a place of self love, mastery of the things we love to do with natural flow opportunity’s, and the skills to control the self with the desire to find equality in all of us. All lead to a higher level of happiness as a natural consequence.
2. Being aware of your vulnerabilities.
We all have vulnerabilities and being aware of them is crucial in any relationship no matter what kind but in particular our intimate one’s. Intimate relationships bring our vulnerable aspects up to be examined in a real and abrupt way sooner rather than later.
Vulnerabilities can be hidden, and finding them can be a game of hide and seek.
Take time to find out what they are. Are your vulnerabilities in the area of self worth? Or in the area of being lovable for instance?
Here is an example of one of mine:
I have vulnerabilities in being acknowledged. Let’s say constant attention can feel to me like that vulnerability is being met. But looking to have that met by a partner can make me susceptible to ignoring red flags that would otherwise be deal-breakers.
The trick is I am aware of it now and that creates a different more positive outcome.
Once you are aware of them ask yourself questions like:
Do I either give up my need to have my vulnerabilities met by another or give up the bad behavior of another by moving on from that relationship?
Our mind has a way of justifying one for the other to keep the one we desire the most till the pain from the bad behavior out-ways the pain from lack of attention or acknowledgment.
The vulnerable parts of our emotional being are worth seeking out because the beautiful thing is that once we identify that aspect of vulnerability we can then meet those needs our self. Which allows us to be far more relaxed and have much better boundaries. We can also see it in others. Which helps us become more empathetic.
3. Naming your emotions.
Our emotions are often what drives us into relationships at the beginning, love, happiness, excitement, butterflies. But many of us don’t have a handle on what we are feeling at any give time of the day or night let alone being able to articulate them.
A lot of people can’t even identify more than just a few simple emotions over and above the basic names for them like anger, hate, scared, happy.
The lack of basic words to express how you are feeling throughout your day limits you in knowing yourself or knowing another person.
This can be isolating for both parties with loneliness being a massive contributor to health problems, shorter life expectancy, mental illness and success in long term relationships.
It is crucial to learn as many names for our emotions as possible.
Inadequate, disillusioned, provoked, revulsion, inferior, inspired, courageous, liberated, astonished are but a few words to describe our emotional state. I highly recommend you go and look up more extensive lists for emotions. The action of seeking this information for yourself is a crucial part of taking the initiative to improve your life and take control of your ability to have success in your intimate relationships. These are just a small portion of words to describe them but the more you know the more you can understand yourself and those people close to you.
These are only a few things to think over if you want to improve your chances of sustaining a healthy long term partnership but they are important aspects to consider before and during your interactions with others.
To have these skills is a wonderful gift to bring to your relationship and will definitely increase your quality of joy from them.